Written By: Spose
10. Cornish: This photogenic town deep in the middle of nowhere feels like it could be the setting of the show Gilmore Girls. Cornish is so adorable that its Hannaford is still a Stop’N’Shop.
9. York: Despite having a decent beach, Flo’s Hotdogs, and the most zoo animals in York County, York is held back by its flaws. Banning chain restaurants is cool in Ogunquit, but in York it’s just inconvenient. You’re telling me I gotta drive all the way to the Kittery Dunkin’? York is like Kennebunk’s preppier, less-cool cousin.
8. Saco: Despite being home to the legendary Funtown/Splashtown USA and Aquaboggin, Saco feels somewhat outshone by the towns it borders: Its big brother across the river, Biddeford; Maine’s best New-Jersey-impersonator, Old Orchard Beach; and the decidedly-more-wealthy Portland suburb, Scarborough. However, the limited, open-late Rapid Ray’s menu is a staple for all York County stoners. I, personally, was once in a .jpg image on the Rapid Ray’s website laughing hysterically, blazed out of my mind, holding a French fry like a magic wand.
7. Cape Neddick: Are York and Cape Neddick really different towns? Cape Neddick is superior, regardless, despite York having a Hannaford and an “Animal Kingdom.” Cape Nedick is a sexy swash of coastline hidden on a windy road between Ogunquit and York. It’s like you asked ChatGPT to make the most stereotypically Maine town ever: a scenic lighthouse, many trees, a cliff-side hotel, a jagged shoreline, a lobster pound, and very few people.
6. Kittery: Kittery is like a mullet: costal, hardworking Maine town in the front, capitalist shopping party in the back. It has a Crocs Outlet and a shipyard. It has a Starbucks, a Dunkin, and an Aroma Joe’s. Its quaint, adorable downtown has always been a hidden gem. It even has a forest-covered “Welcome Center” on the highway for late-night urination on the way back from a Celtics or Bruins game.
5. Kennebunk: Obviously Kennebunk is the bougiest white-mom town in York County. In the summer months, its clogged stretch of Route 1 is bordered by so many arranged flowers it could pass as a roadside botanical garden. However, Kennebunk gives up most of its nicest sections to the far-more-legendary Kennebunkport and also contains the barren fields of West Kennebunk. Kennebunk does get bonus points for being home to York County’s only Popeye’s at its highway rest stop, though.
4. Biddeford: Man, this one hurts. Growing up in York County, Biddeford was … Shitteford. It was the trashiest town in York County, where you didn’t want to have to go to buy a cheap quarter of weed. However, as much as it pains me to say it, Biddeford has glowed up. This is not so much because of Biddeford’s modernized capitalist outpost — “The Shoppes at Biddeford Crossing” — home to Panera Bread, York County’s only Target, and an empty unit that annually rises from the dead to become The Spirit of Halloween. Biddeford’s higher ranking is mostly due to that revitalized brick mill downtown. It also is home to the prestigious University of New England and the decidedly adorable secret world of Biddeford Pool. Dammit Biddeford.
3. Wells: Yes, the traffic sucks. Yes, the Hannaford is a circus full of aimless French Canadians. Yes, I’m biased because I’m from this town. But — from the Maine Diner to Congdon’s Doughnuts, from Drake’s Island to Moody Beach — this town is just quintessential, can’t-miss, seaside Maine. Unfortunately, the residents of Massachusetts and New York also can’t miss this town and own almost every piece of real estate east of the marsh. Despite that, their autumn exodus gives way to a beautiful, empty beach-side burn-cruise route that usually contains a great blue heron and a seal. Wells, Maine forever.
2. Kennebunkport: There’s a reason America’s wealthy war criminals own sprawling estates in Kennebunkport: its picturesque, gorgeous, livable, stretch of coastal Maine, always ready for its TV or Instagram close-up. If you’ve ever driven through Dock Square at 11 p.m. on a weeknight when it’s snowing on your way home from a girl’s house, you know it’s beautiful year round.
1. Ogunquit: This iconic, Instagrammable seaside heaven is much more of a year-round destination than it was when I was younger. Even on a January morning, as the icy Atlantic air washes over the huddling seagull gangs in the empty beachside parking lots, there’s nowhere more adorable and more iconically Maine than OGT. And I may be a straight white male, but I do think Ogunquit gets extra points for being unashamedly, trail-blazingly gay as hell.
